Grieving Allowed ~

I still have my days where I look back to 1974 and wonder if there was anything I could’ve changed so that my son could’ve lived.  Today was one of those days.  I thought of him and what he could’ve been.  Might’ve done.  Wonder what he would’ve looked like ~ me, with brown hair and brown eyes? or his dad, blond hair and blue eyes?  Or maybe a combination of both?  I can’t help but think about it now and then, but no longer with sadness and regret, just a quiet feeling of hope.

Today I decided to take some time and do some research into abortions on the worldwide web.  It started out with doing a search on oak leaves/trees, as that is how I’ve chosen to make my son real to me.  As I’ve written in Forgiven and Set Free, the red oak tree is the concrete “symbol” for Kirk.  It gives me focus.  So I was searching for clipart and related items to use in the memory book that I’ve created for him.  In my search, I found this poem:

Oak Leaves & Lullabies

Oak Leaves & Lullabies

 It didn’t appear to have any credit(s) to it, author or any way I could connect it to the person who created it.  But it sure hit home for me, so I decided to borrow it and put it in Kirk’s memory book (I created the background images etc).  So, from there I began to think back on the events of those days in 1974, and I decided I hadn’t learned enough about the procedure that was performed in my circumstance:  the “saline abortion”.  So I Googled it. 

At first, of course, the images were startling and disturbing.  I knew the basics of what had happened and how it works, but I (for some unknown reason) wanted more details.  In delving deeper, I found that my son need not have died from such a procedure ~ unless, of course, it was God’s will.  But there are many baby’s that not only survive saline abortions, but they grow up and live normal lives, although some have expected health issues.  I also discovered that the saline abortion is illegal in many countries around the world due to its cruelty and dangerous outcomes for the mother.  Indeed, that particular method of abortion is no longer used in the United States except in extreme emergency where no other option is viable.  There are women and men who are survivors of this procedure and are public speakers against abortions as adults.

I found myself instantly wishing that the hospital staff had tried to save Kirk’s life after he was born alive.  But I know that was not God’s will.  Kirk was meant for something else, something special.  And I’m beginning to feel that the events that took place that summer of 1974 put a direction on my life that has lead to me being here, at this moment, sharing my most intimate feelings about a horrific happening.  I’ve never felt so much an advocate against abortion ~ of ALL kinds!  I am but one voice, one spirit… inspired by my Holy Father. 

Perhaps I was meant for something special, too.

Blessings to all!

 

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One thought on “Grieving Allowed ~

  1. personally . your church staff needs God, because they must have taught you to be unchristian in your beliefs … to try to tell someone how to walk in life is not your job…

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