I am a beautiful woman, inside and out. You have no idea how many decades it has taken me to be able to admit those words. Admitting is not necessarily believing, but I’m getting there. Oh, I know I’m beautiful inside, but to come to grips with who I am outside ~ well, the time has come.
See, I’m having my own, personal “coming out” party today. As I’m sure no one could foretell that I would be admitting that I am morbidly obese. You didn’t notice? LOL! Well, it’s true. Anyone with sight could tell. I love myself, but I don’t like myself very much. I guess it comes from an entire lifetime of everyone judging me because I’ve been fat since childhood. Children are mean. I’ve been told for over 45 years that I’m not good enough to be on the team, or too slow to run the bases, or that I’m just plain ugly. When you’re a kid and you live this, it changes everything you believe about yourself.
However, when you become an adult and you still believe these things, it’s because it’s ingrained. Doesn’t mean you can’t change it. BTW, I’m not looking for a “pity party” ~ I take full responsibility for my obesity (wow! did I use “the ‘O’ word again?!). “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge,” Dr. Phil McGraw. I’ve “acknowledged” it before, to myself. I don’t think that did much good. I think I need to get it all out there. What the heck? I’ve already revealed my past abortion and 90% of my chaotic history. Why stop now? Seriously? You didn’t notice the multiple chins, the drooping belly and the enormous upper arms? I think my arms must be the biggest on record in this state! At least the county! You didn’t stand there staring at me wondering how much I must weigh? Well, this beautiful woman is 5’6″ and 326 lbs. THERE! I said it, it’s out there! Yes, I weigh THAT MUCH! Now, let’s see what we can do about this…
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ That was then (Saturday night 7-13-13), and this is now (Monday night 7-15-13). It’s simply amazing how much can change in only a few hours with God’s work at hand. You see, I signed up for this fellowship “class”? of sorts through church about a month ago. It’s called “Made to Crave”. When I signed up for it, I had no idea what it was about, really, it just pretty much fit my difficult schedule of being on Mondays, which is my usual day off. Today, Monday, was my first visit. Mind you, I honestly didn’t really want to go… it has been so hot, and this morning it was 80 degrees before 9 a.m., the class started at 10:00 a.m. I contemplated not going, but thought to myself “If I can’t give GOD one hour of my time…” I was too embarrassed at the thought to fill in the rest, so I was on my way.
The class was to be small (intimate), just my preference. We were to watch a video, and, still not knowing what this was all about, when the video began, I suddenly knew why I was there. The topic revolves around craving God, but also focuses on weight loss! No, not like any type of weight loss program you may have heard about or experience, but God-centered weight loss. What could make more sense?! God gave us these bodies to use during our time here on earth, but not to abuse and torture them with added weight and misuse. I had been put into the right frame of mind beginning on Saturday to be able to jump into this fellowship today!
So, above I had stated “Now let’s see what we can do about this…” and I guess that question has been answered. Now, let’s see who wants to help me be accountable to reach my goal? That goal is: to lose weight. I’m not even putting any numbers in there… yet. If I can start with even a pound, then maybe two in the next few weeks, I’ll consider that a successful start! I’m putting these “weight loss” posts into an exclusive, new category called appropriately”Made to Crave”. I’m going to try to post to this daily or semi-daily, with what’s been going on in me reaching towards my goals ~ I’ll post things I’ve eaten/not eaten/avoided, and how about exercise? How about prayer? Promise to give me feedback? Encouragement? Admonishment? Continued prayer?
I’ve started my journey TODAY. God is with me, He’s got my back. How about my friends, family and blog friends get in on the action? I need to hear from you. Give me your comments, feedback and help me lose. I want to be my own biggest loser.
Until next time, which will be tomorrow, TTFN ~ Tamara Eckstadt