Archive | October 2018

Quilty Fundraiser ~

Some of you may/may not know that I’m a quilter.  Yes, I create works of art called “quilts”.  Most often I either keep them or give them to a friend or family member.  But on occasion, I have been known to raffle off a quilt as a fundraiser for a worthy cause.  This time, my granddaughter has an opportunity to go to California (from Alaska!) to perform with her cheer squad in the Holiday Bowl this year.  What an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime chance for Ashley!  Of course, each person has to earn their own financial way there, so I decided to help Ashley by offering up one of my favorite quilts as a raffle.

Raffle Quilt 2 10-2018

If you click on the GoFundMe.com link below, you can learn all about the trip and the quilt, and what to do to have a chance to own this gorgeous quilt by Thanksgiving!  There is no other like it.  Please check out the info, and take a chance!

Ashley’s GoFundMe Quilt Raffle

Thank you for stopping by and taking a look.

Blessings,

Tamara Eckstadt

 

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Tomato Soup for Breakfast ~

I’m two and a half months out from bariatric surgery and things are going… not so well. The past 1 ½ months have been sketchy to a living hell. Every day is a new adventure in stomach pain and trying to figure out what I can eat to ease that pain without making me more ill. I did discover that I am one of the 7% of bariatric patients that suffer through post-surgical complications. Somehow, it feels anticlimactic and does not help me feel any better. My current everyday life is spent trying to find ways to make my stomach stop aching. Nothing I eat or drink helps… with the exception of tomato soup. There is no common sense related to this, especially since tomato soup is commonly known as pretty acidic. Yet if I drink about ½ to one cup of it, with a little butter melted in, it gives me some sense of relief, enough to make it worthwhile. I consider myself blessed.
I went to the surgeon, again, last Thursday. This time I saw the associate of my surgeon – the one who actually performed the Roux en Y procedure. He, Dr. Cooper, (the associate) listened intently and asked relative questions as to my pain, my state of mind (which is currently very depressed) and he offered hope by scheduling me for an upper GI the very next day, and then an “extensive” endoscopy scheduled for tomorrow (Monday, 10-22-2018). He did not tell me that “it’s normal” and that “it’ll pass” as I had been told by anyone and everyone to this point. I just cried. And he gave me tissues and held my hands until I could gather myself back together and gain composure.
So, I had the upper GI two days ago, and will be admitted into Crouse Health tomorrow morning for a 1:00 p.m. endoscopy procedure. Not looking forward to that “nothing to eat or drink after midnight” standing order. And I’m not looking forward to have the procedure done at all. The last time I was at Crouse, I left there scarred and with PTSD over the hour long issue of getting an IV line put in. I break out into a cold sweat now just thinking about it. I don’t scare easily, but the fear is real today.
Dr. Cooper suspects something called a “stricture” in the opening between my stomach and small intestine. It’s where the opening narrows, or sometimes even closes. After researching, I see it’s fairly common and is fixable through the endoscopy. I guess my biggest fear now is what if it isn’t a stricture? What if it’s something that can’t be fixed tomorrow? Will I come home as sick as I have been or possibly even worse? No one can possibly understand how awful this is unless you’ve lived it. The constant pain is physically and emotionally draining, and has driven me into a horrific depression that, fortunately, I’m very adept at hiding. Sometimes I just can’t hang on, and I break down in uncontrollable tears. Sleep is fitful, as the pain is 24/7 and sometimes I wake in the night several times. But mornings are the absolute worst when I wake up and am hungry and the pain is doubled or tripled, and I don’t know what to eat to make it ease, except tomato soup. So, this is where it stands right now. I will be having tomato soup tonight at midnight, knowing I won’t be having anything again until late afternoon on Monday. If you’re the praying kind, prayers are greatly appreciated. If not, just keep me in your thoughts and hope that something definitive is found and fixed tomorrow.
Thank you for stopping by.
Blessings,
Tamara

~ Transparency

When I began blogging way back in 2012, I promised myself from that day that I would be open, honest and “transparent” about the things I write. And I have kept my promise thus far. I have posted on Facebook often of my weight loss achievements, and how good it’s going, and it is. I always want to be positive, however, like most things, there is always the “dark side” of things, and my bariatric surgery indulges in that as well.

Tammy Aug 26 2018

For at least the last month or so, I’ve been having “complications” due to my surgery. Complications that may or may not even be fixable. Complications that are very hard to cope with on a daily basis, as they are so very unpredictable. I have posted on Facebook about my difficulties with excess gas, which is not a humorous matter when it’s this severe. And it won’t go down through my system and out, it remains in my stomach and then eventually forces its way up and out through burps in an uncontrollable fashion. But, while the air is internal, it wreaks havoc on my stomach and my digestion causing often severe pain and nausea. Always pain of varying levels. I have great difficulty eating and drinking as it always feels like there’s no room for anything nutritious to get in. I’m unable to get my required allowances of protein.

I have a “proven” list of foods/drinks that I can indulge in, in very small amounts, with the knowledge that (most likely) it will stay down once swallowed, but that is never certain. I can never indulge in something “new” and unproven unless I am at home, for fear of the infamous dumping syndrome. If I am out somewhere, away from home, like at a meeting or gathering, I always try to seat myself closest to the door, and get knowledge of where the local bathroom is, just in case. Anything can happen without notice and very quickly. But living like this is causing me to become a hermit. I no longer like to leave my home, except to go to work… and if I could retire, I would!

As I’m typing this, I have a wicked stomach ache… it’s afternoon, I always have a stomach ache in the afternoon. Usually by the time I get home I need to climb onto my bed and get into the fetal position just to be able to tolerate the pain. I’m assuming it’s gas. So does my surgeon and my primary care physician. I’ve tried every type of gas/anti-acid remedy on the market. A couple have worked temporarily, but then petered out and left me back where I started. I’ve tried prescription Protonix (an acid reflux med), Gaviscon (also an acid reflux med OTC and suggested by my PCP), Tums, Gas-X, Phazyme, liquid generic OTC anti-acid/anti-gas, peppermint tea, Beano, even essential oils (Digize). Often I’m so full of these meds that there’s no room for food!

What do I actually eat? Scrambled eggs once or twice a week for breakfast, unsweetened applesauce, cream soups, breakfast sausage on occasion, ricotta bake (a special keto casserole with just cheese, eggs and a tiny bit of Ragu spaghetti sauce), sugar free pudding made with my Premiere Protein shakes, sugar free gelatin sometimes. Just this week I’ve tried a little bit of bread and a little bit of mashed potatoes, as they seem to calm things more. I’m talking ¼ slice of whole grain/wheat bread dipped in my soup, and a tablespoon of mashed potatoes for breakfast once or twice a week. For drinks I have my Premiere Protein shake and Premiere Protein Clear drinks, and sugar free flavored water. And sugar free popsicles. That about sums it up. I’m trading out the mashed potatoes for mashed cauliflower asap, and keeping the bread to an absolute minimum. I’m trying to stay carb-free. I’d like to audition some new foods just for something different, but the fear of dumping is more than very real. I have to be prepared to spend an entire day at home, sick in bed for hours and then asleep for more. I haven’t gotten there yet. Maybe next week.

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So this is my life for now, such as it is. I’ve been asked if I would recommend this surgery to others seeking weight loss. I hesitated. Yes, I would. Not everyone experiences these little complications, in fact the majority do not. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones that God has chosen to give me extra challenges for now. Sometimes I don’t feel so chipper. I can be smiling to your face but fighting off a cold sweat and gritting my teeth without you even knowing it. It’s taken years of practice to learn how to effectively hide pain and discomfort, and, by George, I think I’ve got it down pretty good!

Thanks for stopping by and checking in.  Next time I hope to have better news!

Blessings,

Tamara