Archive | June 2019

**Hit the Deck**!

I’m the primary lawn care person at our home, mostly because I’m OCD about keeping the property “manicured”. We have a really nice Troy Built garden tractor that I’ve named “Vengeance”. And because I like my grass shorter than most, we (meaning Al) ends up having to clean under the deck every time the mower is used… it just gets packed up with grass and dirt. Well, yesterday, for the first time, I cleaned Vengeance’s deck! It requires putting the front of the mower up on ramps, then crawling underneath and scraping and digging all that debris out from under. This is significant because, as early as last year, I was unable to walk from our house to our garage without being winded and having to sit down! Now I’m actually able to get DOWN ON THE GROUND AND get back up without much difficulty! Unless you’ve actually been obese and unhealthy, you just won’t get it. I have more mobility this year than I’ve had in two decades. It’s freeing. This is what we (in bariatric circles) call an “NSV” – non-scale victory!

**Okay so I’ve been honest about sharing my bariatric journey so I’ll share this too, even if a little embarrassing**
I went swimming for the first time yesterday (in my own pool) and was taken aback! First, I loved my cheap swimsuit from WalMart, even if my butt didn’t quite fill it out. But I was surprised by the way my loose skin floated and “undulated” in the water! It was so weird! Also weird was not being able to float so well ~ I’ve ALWAYS been able to float with ease! Lastly, while in the water, I was running my hands over my newly deflated body and felt something very strange in my low, low back just above my butt! Holy cow it was my tail bone! I didn’t actually know I HAD one, let alone being able to FEEL it! LOL! No wonder my behind hurts so much when I sit! There’s no padding around that tail bone at all anymore! Learning new things every day!

Thanks for stopping by and sharing my journey with me.

Many blessings ~ Tamara

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Paying the Price

I can’t believe it’s been 8 months since I last posted here!  Time flies when you’re sicker than hell.  I’m still losing weight, and I like that a lot, but it’s been ridiculously difficult ~ not the losing part, but I just can’t seem to feel well.

My new, diminutive size tummy hurts.  It hurts all the time.  Like 24/7.  I can’t remember the last time I felt comfortable enough to relax… well, except when I went to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Mesa, AZ back in April 2019.  I was taking prednisone, which made me feel almost superhuman!  That was great!  But when I got home and the prednisone  wore off, it was back to feeling like crap again.

I occasionally put posts on Facebook of my accomplishments, and often I get comments about how “inspirational”, brave, etc etc I am.  I don’t FEEL inspirational!  I feel like a miserable failure.  I can’t get to a point where I can actively exercise, which would help further my weight loss.  My entire existence right now is unpredictable.  My digestive system has complete control and a mind of its own.  I can never tell if I’m hungry, as it hurts all the time… whether or not I eat or drink.  I can never know if/when I’m going to have to visit a bathroom – public or not – or what the outcome will be.  Sometimes I only have a few moments’ notice before I just HAVE TO GO!  Or I may not go for days.

I used to have “safe foods”, no more.  All bets are off.  I’ve become sick from eating just about anything… everything.  And that has negatively affected my outlook on meals.  We really don’t even eat meals as a family anymore.  I never know when or what I can eat, and sometimes the pains get so bad, so quickly that I have to put something into my “pouch” really fast or I end up doubled over.

To be honest, although I look better and I smile a lot in pictures, this has been a living nightmare from hell.  It was so bad last month, that I called my surgeon and agreed to have yet another endoscopy AND added a laparoscopy!  Dr. Cooper found an umbilical hernia and – how to explain this – my intestine had become “attached” to the muscle/wall of my new stomach via scar tissue.  So I got that all fixed and felt pretty good for awhile.  It lasted about 9 days before the pain was back, and did I mention the gas?  There’s just no way to explain the incredible amounts of gas my body is creating on a daily basis.  And yes, I’m on prescription medication for it, as well as guzzling Gaviscon (which helps somewhat).  I’m headed back to my gastroenterologist on Monday, Dr. Edison.  It feels like we’re running out of options, which I find hard to accept because I just cannot live like this for the rest of my life.

But there you have it.  This is my life for now.  Maybe next time I’ll talk about my elusive post-surgery Bucket List.  Wondering if I’ll ever be able to realize any of those dreams!

Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings ~ Tamara  57377380_10213474460391685_7512428413848649728_n