Tag Archive | support

Riddle Me This, Batman ~

Okay, now that I’ve got the title of my newest post down, I scarcely know where to start from here.  The past 24 hours have been … “interesting”, to say the least.  I’m still running amok with a multitude of emotions, convictions and prayers.  At this very moment, I’m determined.  But in ten minutes, I may be a fearful bag of tears.  Trying NOT to go there!

I think I’ve had my wake up call.  Like the drop-dead one of them all ~ besides ever being told that I’m terminal.  But I already know that.  Yesterday I heard the words “you are riddled with” from an orthopedic specialist of an orthopedic group that I highly respect and trust.  I barely heard him say “osteoarthritis in your right foot.”  I had gone there by requested referral from my primary care doc to determine what had been the cause of incredible pain in my right foot for about the past year.  I’ve been putting it off, thinking it’s only tendonitis and it would go away eventually.  Instead, the pain has increased, and I have become accustomed to ignoring it and hiding it (like I do my chronic back pain) until most recently when I realized it’s just too painful to ignore.  My ability to walk distances has become extremely compromised, making even grocery shopping difficult at best.  Any mall is an absolute nightmare, and I’ve given up on ever seeing the inside of one again.  The maximum allowable time limit for me to be able to walk currently is about 15 minutes before my foot “gives out”.  After an hour or two of rest off my foot, I can continue again, for about another 15 minutes… maybe.

But, yeah, OA (osteoarthritis) ~ wasn’t expecting THAT one!  Since yesterday, my thoughts have been racing.  The ortho doc said low impact aerobics, swimming, and ortho shoes/sneakers.  Ugggh!  Seriously?  I’m going to have to change my whole lifestyle for this affliction!  Well, yes, I am!  There is no cure, only pain management and exercise because weight loss will help.  There it is again… that weight loss stuff!  That ALWAYS just keeps popping up, doesn’t it?

I had today off from work, and was planning on staying home and doing some sewing/quilting.  However, I ended up researching gyms/health clubs locally online that also have a swimming pool ~ AND are relatively affordable.  With that, I decided on the YMCA, their North Area location (North Syracuse/Liverpool/Cicero/Clay area), and I drove the 15 miles to take a tour and find out more.  Their “open swim” times coincide pretty well with my schedule, but I will need and am willing to make massive changes, including getting up and out the door by 5:00 a.m. each weekday I go, taking everything work-related with me, including breakfast, swimming and working out and then making it to work (30 minutes from the Y) before 8:00 a.m.  I have not yet joined, but will talk with the husband about it tonight.  Wish he would join with me, but he is NOT willing to change HIS schedule for anyone or anything.

Satisfied with the YMCA tour, I decided to go back to SOS (Syracuse Orthopedic Specialists) as they have a”store” where they sell orthopedic items (shoes, sneakers, socks, braces etc), and I wanted to take a second look at their shoes and sneakers, as I will obviously need to trash all my other non-supportive footwear and get used to buying “ugly” ortho shoes!  The fact that I have small feet (size 7), and a high instep should make this interesting.  But the SOS store had a wonderful customer service woman who was very attentive and knowledgeable.  Of course, all of the shoes were those European sizes (36-37-38 etc), and were created obnoxiously narrow.  After about an hour of trying on various shoes/sneakers, and actually meeting with their specialty orthotic shoe person on staff, we were able to come to consensus on a pair of shoes and a pair of sneakers… with added/padded insoles.  I wasn’t going to purchase two pairs of anything, because it’s very pricey and made my stomach feel a little sick to see the price tags.  But I needed to have something to wear to work, and something more casual.  I mean, what woman can get by on ONE PAIR OF SHOES?  Seriously!  Especially since I knew when I got home I would be trashing all of my current shoes in my closet.  No more even looking longingly at a pair of heels.

My new "ortho shoes".

My new “ortho shoes”.

Okay, so they aren’t “bad” shoes.  They kinda look like my MaryJanes I was wearing earlier, but have now tossed in the trash ($3.00 from WalMart).  But these new shoes are very comfortable.  I was informed it’ll take awhile to get used to them, that is believable.  And they should last!  After all, I could’ve flown from Syracuse to LA and back on the price of these two pairs.  I think I heard my credit card (that I have not used in over a year) cry out in pain as I swiped the card reader at the store.  I’ll add a sneaker photo later on.

So, I guess I’m entering a new phase in my life that will affect my entire lifestyle, yet again.  I’m back “on the wagon” with my better eating habits, after being on hiatus for a few months – off and on.  I so want to make this work!  The alternative is just unbearable for me.  I will not be immobile.  If I don’t lose the weight, that’s exactly where I’m headed – in short time!  This is it.  This is do or die.

By the way, what about the Relay for Life in June, and the quilt raffle?  Yeah, I’m still on board with that all the way.  I don’t care what that takes, it’s ON.  When I explained to my doc about the upcoming relay, he said there are a few “short term options” we can use to just get me through that event… since I’m “adamantly committed”, he said.    So, please keep that in mind when you visit my other blog with the information about the quilt raffle etc.  I haven’t gotten to my goal yet…https://tamaraeckstadt.wordpress.com/2014/03/16/quilting-to-crush-cancer/   Help give me some incentive by supporting my Relay.  And I am adamantly committed!

So, that’s where I’m at today.  I appreciate you stopping by and checking in on me and reading my posts now and then.  If anyone has personal experience/knowledge with osteoarthritis, I’d love to hear about your travels down that road.  You can email me at tamalecks@yahoo.com.  TTFN ~ Tamara Eckstadt

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Made to Crave: Introduction to Weighty Issues ~

I am a beautiful woman, inside and out.  You have no idea how many decades it has taken me to be able to admit those words.  Admitting is not necessarily believing, but I’m getting there.  Oh, I know I’m beautiful inside, but to come to grips with who I am outside ~ well, the time has come.

My favorite picture of myself.  Thank you, Roger William Photography

My favorite picture of myself. Thank you, Roger William Photography

     See, I’m having my own, personal “coming out” party today.  As I’m sure no      one could foretell that I would be admitting that I am morbidly obese.  You didn’t notice?  LOL!  Well, it’s true.  Anyone with sight could tell.  I love myself, but I don’t like myself very much.  I guess it comes from an entire lifetime of everyone judging me because I’ve been fat since childhood.  Children are mean.  I’ve been told for over 45 years that I’m not good enough to be on the team, or too slow to run the bases, or that I’m just plain ugly.  When you’re a kid and you live this, it changes everything you believe about yourself.

However, when you become an adult and you still believe these things, it’s because it’s ingrained.  Doesn’t mean you can’t change it.  BTW, I’m not looking for a “pity party” ~ I take full responsibility for my obesity (wow!  did I use “the ‘O’ word again?!).   “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge,” Dr. Phil McGraw.  I’ve “acknowledged” it before, to myself.  I don’t think that did much good.  I think I need to get it all out there.  What the heck?  I’ve already revealed my past abortion and 90% of my chaotic history.  Why stop now?  Seriously?  You didn’t notice the multiple chins, the drooping belly and the enormous upper arms?  I think my arms must be the biggest on record in this state!  At least the county!  You didn’t stand there staring at me wondering how much I must weigh?  Well, this beautiful woman is 5’6″ and 326 lbs.  THERE!  I said it, it’s out there!  Yes, I weigh THAT MUCH!  Now, let’s see what we can do about this…

 ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^   That was then (Saturday night 7-13-13), and this is now (Monday night 7-15-13).   It’s simply amazing how much can change in only a few hours with God’s work at hand.  You see, I signed up for this fellowship “class”? of sorts through church about a month ago.  It’s called “Made to Crave”.  When I signed up for it, I had no idea what it was about, really, it just pretty much fit my difficult schedule of being on Mondays, which is my usual day off.  Today, Monday, was my first visit.  Mind you, I honestly didn’t really want to go… it has been so hot, and this morning it was 80 degrees before 9 a.m., the class started at 10:00 a.m.  I contemplated not going, but thought to myself “If I can’t give GOD one hour of my time…”  I was too embarrassed at the thought to fill in the rest, so I was on my way.

The class was to be small (intimate), just my preference.  We were to watch a video, and, still not knowing what this was all about, when the video began, I suddenly knew why I was there.  The topic revolves around craving God, but also focuses on weight loss!  No, not like any type of weight loss program you may have heard about or experience, but God-centered weight loss.  What could make more sense?!  God gave us these bodies to use during our time here on earth, but not to abuse and torture them with added weight and misuse.  I had been put into the right frame of mind beginning on Saturday to be able to jump into this fellowship today!

So, above I had stated “Now let’s see what we can do about this…” and I guess that question has been answered.  Now, let’s see who wants to help me be accountable to reach my goal?  That goal is:  to lose weight.  I’m not even putting any numbers in there… yet.  If I can start with even a pound, then maybe two in the next few weeks, I’ll consider that a successful start!   I’m putting these “weight loss” posts into an exclusive, new category called  appropriately”Made to Crave”.  I’m going to try to post to this daily or semi-daily, with what’s been going on in me reaching towards my goals ~ I’ll post things I’ve eaten/not eaten/avoided, and how about exercise?  How about prayer?  Promise to give me feedback?  Encouragement?  Admonishment?  Continued prayer?  

I’ve started my journey TODAY.  God is with me, He’s got my back.  How about my friends, family and blog friends get in on the action?  I need to hear from you.  Give me your comments, feedback and help me lose.  I want to be my own biggest loser. 

Until next time, which will be tomorrow, TTFN ~ Tamara Eckstadt

Made to Crave.org

Word of Life Assembly of God